


self control

by duaa



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Drinks, End Game Logince, Gen, Infidelity, Kissing, M/M, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duaa/pseuds/duaa
Summary: Roman and Logan were yin and yang, they were blue and green, they were everything that went together, everything that was opposite. They were one and the same, two different parts of something more than a whole.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	self control

_'poolside convo about your summer last night'_

"Roman, I love you buddy, but you gotta tone it down. You can not be looking at him like that, _jesus christ_ "

Roman doesn't respond. He's too busy staring at someone else, eyes transfixed and unmoving, lips parted and dry. He's too busy staring at someone else, someone he can't have anymore. 

"Roman!" Janus hisses and Roman swallows. He looks back at his food. Fuck. 

"Shut up, Jan. I'll look at him however I want." 

"Dude, that is so creepy and disgusting." Janus was actually upset. Roman was busy right now, he'd apologise once they went back inside. He poked at his chicken, it was delicious. Not as delicious as - "Roman." 

"Hmm?" His hair is purple now. Purple. The slicked back, jet black was gone. He was wearing a shirt that showed off quite a lot more and then some. His baggy, loose hoodie was gone. He still looked ethereal, chiseled features and sleek lines. Roman still couldn't get enough. 

"I think his boyfriend is noticing that you're staring. Just blink a few times and shake your head and say 'what', okay?" 

Roman hums. Boyfriend, toyfriend. Who cared? He still did as directed, pretending to have spaced out accidentally. It was intentional. He pokes at his chicken some more, uninterested. When will that wet blanket leave? He looks away, taking in a deep, shuddering breath. Janus kicks his foot under the table before taking his hand. Roman looked around before his eyes landed on Remy. Argh. Janus lied that he was dating Roman. And Remy knows that they're lying, but he doesn't have proof. Janus doesn't like getting caught.

Janus takes his face in his hands and immediately jams his tongue down Roman's throat. Sure, it's a lot more pleasant than that, physically, but that's how it feels emotionally. ~~That's not to say Roman doesn't want to do this, he's fine and he hopes to use it for his personal gain.~~ They kiss straight through the announcement that the buffet is closing, people streaming by them. Janus releases him and drinks his cider. Carrying on like nothing ever happened. 

"Torres, you owe me one." 

"What?! _You_ owe me one!" 

Janus peers at him over his glass, eyes narrowed. "Got the boyfriend to leave and yours to stay, didn't I?" Before Roman can swivel around to see, Janus cups his cheek. "Wait for it, Roman, christ. I'll tell you when."

"I thought you were against this?" 

"He'll knock some sense into you." Janus lets go of his cheek, but Roman knows better than to turn around. "He went to the pool. Wander over. Say you're getting me a drink from there or something."

Roman's eyes soften. "Thanks, Jan." Janus rolls his eyes and saunters off, done with Roman's bullcrap. Roman finishes off his cider before messing with his hair, shaking what needed to be shaken, sorting what needed to be sorted. He was ready. He polishes off Janus' cider and stalks off to the pool, deliberately heading to the bar. He can feel Logan's gaze trained on his back, following his every move. He hops up on a stool and lets his eyes wander, before settling on Logan. 

They stare at each other, and Roman smiles at him lazily, getting off of the stool. Logan smirks, lips quirked just that little bit and Roman's heart flutters. He blinks, slow, before leaning against the rail. Logan mirrors him, observing silently. 

"Hey." 

"Hello, Roman." Logan's eyes rake over him, taking it all in. "You look well."

"And you look dashing as ever, Logan." He relishes in the way Logan bites down a smile, flushed. "Here with?" 

"You." Roman laughs, throwing his head back - and it's so easy to fall back into old habits, so easy to just slot back where he always belonged, so easy to love Logan like nothing changed ever. "You're here with someone, aren't you?" 

"Mmhmm. Janus Dane, perhaps you know him?" 

"No, I don't." Logan lays his hand on the railing. "Are you two dating?" 

"Maybe," He purrs. "That's all up for debate." Something glints in Logan's blue eyes, and Roman smirks at him. 

"I see." A pause, and they gravitate towards each other, arm going off of the railing and around Roman's waist. Torso leaning towards Logan. "How's your summer been, Roman?" 

"Boring. Not as hot as they used to be." His hand burns through Roman's clothes, heavy and grounding, slinking him closer. He pretends to not notice. Logan knows his does, eyes dead set on him.

"Yeah, they really aren't." He licks his lips. Roman wants to lean forward, wants to kiss him senseless. And he almost would have, except Logan leans in first and something rears its head in Roman's stomach. Logan's eyes are wide open, perceptive to the slightest of movements. Roman takes the opportunity, leaning in to place a kiss on the corner of his mouth, flitting away before he does anything else. He turns back once, and Logan runs a hand through his hair, bothered. 

Good.

_'you cut your hair, but you used to live the blonded life'_

"Hello and welcome to yet another open buffet at the Seabourn Cruise Line, on today's..."

Janus links their arms together and Roman huffs, knowing that Remy is slinking around here, somewhere. Roman can see Logan, sitting with his boyfriend - "The boyfriend's Virgil Storme. They've been dating for four months and Virgil's uncle knows a guy in the crew." Janus had announced after lunch, sly smirk gracing his features - and holding hands by their plates. Janus drags him to the salad side and he catches Logan's eye. He winks, short and fast, before diverting his attention to Janus' running commentary on salads and how shitty these ones are. 

"Honestly, if there's a fucking potato, I don't wanna see it." Roman huffs out a laugh before plopping whatever on his plate. "Fuck you, Roman, why did you have to take the potato salad." 

"Uh, I'm sure it's great. You're distracting me!" Janus scoffs and drags him along. They make it back to their table and Roman manages to glance at Logan every now and then. It was rare to see him without either a hoodie or his tie and dress shirt, but Roman couldn't complain. Logan fed Virgil... something off of his fork, smiling at the face he made after. Virgil says something and Logan laughs, quiet and reserved. 

_The first time he made Logan laugh was when they won trivia night at a bar, and he straightened his back before bowing slightly forward, hand pressed against his mouth, peals of booming laughter spilling forth. He let himself go, nose scrunched up, mouth grinning wide, eyes wide open. It was lilting, musical. It possessed Roman, entered his body and took his heart and soul away._

Someone takes the stage, announcing the commencement of standup segments. He can see Logan's leaning on the edge of his seat, excited. Roman allows himself a private smile, chowing down some salad. Virgil leans forward, whispering something. Logan's shoulder slump and he nods, getting up. They leave the room, Logan's hand on the small of Virgil's back, leading him out. The comedian starts. Roman frowns.

 _Roman hates everything about aquariums, he hates the way they stink all the time, he hates the fish because they look kinda creepy, he hates the sticky floors and the sticky glass. Logan takes one look at the aquarium entrance and his eyes light up, brightening enough to power a whole city. He gazes wistfully at the entrance, prepared to brush by, but Roman looks at that half-smile, that nostalgic sigh, those glittering eyes and drags Logan in, breathing in the stale air and staring at the creepy fish. Logan smiles the whole way, rubbing at his cheeks every now and then, like they hurt and then he turns to Roman and just beams at him, and Roman's heart is swelling and swelling and swelling._

The comedian finishes and Janus steals his 'shitty' potato salad before imitating the standup guy. Logan and Virgil enter the room again, and Logan glances at the empty mic and sighs. Janus orders him to go and get more potato salad - 

"Torres, go and get me more salad, it's disgusting and I hope you get diarrhoea from it," He announced like he didn't just devour the whole thing.

\- Roman nods dutifully and wanders towards the salads, pace quickening when he catches sight of Logan. 

"Logan."

"Roman." They look at each other. Roman offers him a tentative smile. 

"The standup was terrible." It was okay. 

"I see." He smiles back. 

"Hey, what's the verdict on those tarts there? Crofters worthy or not?" 

Logan smiles wider. "Come on, Roman, we both know nothing can compete." Roman nods, earnest. "I'll let you know." 

They separate, going their ways. Janus immediately starts attacking his food, and Roman patiently waits for Logan. He can see the jam tarts on his plate, the way Logan liked Crofters was absolutely adorable. He ate anything with Crofters in it, and he got so excited when 'Loganberry' was released that Roman bought a whole case of those. He watches as Virgil picks at Logan's plate, muttering something before raising an eyebrow. Virgil eats the half tart before frowning and downing his water. Roman bites his own. It may not be Crofters, but it sure does taste good. Sweet, so, so sweet. 

_Logan tasted of many things. Usually, mint or wintergreen. The other times, he tasted sweet, like honey, saccharine and giving. He tasted like Crofters, like sugar, like strawberry shortcake, like blueberry muffin. Every time Roman ate a dessert, all he could think of was Logan, Logan, Logan and his cold hands and his long legs, entangled in his own and his soft, feathery hair under Roman's fingers._

He gets up. Janus heads to the deck. Virgil drags Logan to their room.

_'some nights you dance with tears in your eyes'_

Something was wrong. Something was wrong and Roman not only knew it, but he also felt it. He could feel it - something was wrong. The tense line of his rigid back, the locked position of his tense arms, the way his head was held high. The way he drank a Margherita, throwing his head back. The way his eyes were glassy and unfocused, bottom lip sucked between his teeth, fingers flexing.

Roman could read him like a book, a diary he wrote himself. He could flip through the pages, picking each and every one apart. Logan was so easy, so easy to read, so easy to know, so easy to love. Logan was never the mystery he had to solve, never the puzzle he couldn't figure out. 

So, Roman knows something is wrong. Logan gets up from his seat and leaves Virgil behind. Virgil doesn't move, sipping at his drink methodically. Roman's eyes follow Logan, swaying to the music. Something pounds in Roman's chest, and he can't figure out if it's his heart or the music. He pushes his way through the writhing mass of sweaty bodies and flailing arms, getting to Logan. 

He doesn't notice Roman at first, eyes light years away. Roman touches his arm and he jerks back to reality, gaze settling on Roman. They move in closer and Roman can see the lines on his face, can see the tired weary look in his eyes. He can see the way one hand is curled up in a tight fist, the other shoved deep inside his pocket. His jaw is set and he's grinding his teeth and all Roman can do is stop himself from leaning in. 

"Roman." It comes out a weak whisper, echoing throughout Roman. He clears his throat and Roman watches his adam's apple bob.

"Logan." He wants nothing more than to pull him close, than to drag him away and leave it all behind. "What's wrong?" 

And Logan smiles, soft and barely there and _shining_ , and Roman's breath catches in his throat. His eyes are watery, but his smile is real, as real as Roman is. Logan heaves a sigh, lips still quirked up. "I think you know what's wrong, Ro." And Roman's heart is expanding, chest puffing out at the old nickname - and then he watches as Logan whisks himself away, unwilling and stiff again. His arm reaches out but Logan's gone, and he's left all alone.

He doesn't know what's wrong, he doesn't know anymore because Logan is a book that Roman could only read halfway through.

_'i know you gotta leave / just give us tonight'_

Roman was alive. After days and weeks and months of missing something he didn't even know he was missing, he was finally alive. His greyscale world was finally coloured, his vision no longer impaired, his senses no longer muffled. He was flying, soaring high and higher.

Logan's lips were on his and the burning touch was searing into his skin. His hands were everywhere and nowhere Roman wanted them to be. Roman's hands were twisted in his hair, so soft and smooth and yielding. Logan kissed him like he always did, like Roman was still his, like tomorrow wasn't guaranteed, like Roman was all the oxygen he could ever need. 

Roman's heart was fluttering and skipping beats - a miraculous feat, his survival. He couldn't get enough, he needed more, more, more and everything else. Logan's hands splay against his back and they're close, closer than possible and Roman still can't enough. They separate with a gasp and Logan smiles at him, and this is what Roman wants. This is what Roman wants to wake up to, wants to fall asleep with, wants to live with. 

He wants to wake up, snuggled up to Logan and make coffee and have Logan drink it all because it's decaf because he cares all that much and they have toast with Crofters for breakfast whenever Logan wants and they get ready, routines in tandem with each other and head off to their jobs and meet up for lunch or eat something with a sticky note and he wants Logan's rants and infodumps and smiles and laughs and his yelling and all the fighting they'll do - Roman _wants_ Logan more than he ever wanted anything in his whole life ever. 

He wants to wake up everyday knowing that he's the luckiest man alive, he wants to sleep on the couch because they fought and he wants to make up and be better. He wants to love Logan open and free, he wants to love Logan everyday, casual and simple. He wants and needs and it's all he could ever dream of. 

"Logan, I love you." 

Logan presses their lips together, quick and short and sweet. "I love you, too." 

"I'm so sorry. I know I fucked up before." 

Logan kisses him again, more urgent and desperate. "I don't care about that anymore, Roman. I miss you," He murmurs into Roman's neck and Roman shivers. 

"I miss you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if you see a typo!!  
> hope you like it ❤️💕
> 
> i had so much fun writing this :,D


End file.
